Zombified

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:46:49 GMT

In case y'allz been wonderin', I've switched to smearing my negative opinions and dark little observations here: chrishateseverything.blogspot.com

Fri, 02 May 2008 04:30:45 GMT

I just threw up my hands, said "What the Hell is wrong with everybody?!" outloud to myself (nobody's home) and opened a beer and drank half of it. That's really all the updating I feel I need to do.

We roll out the red carpet when rotten luck comes down the road.

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:12:27 GMT

I don't update anymore because all I'd do is complain. There's always a "What's next?" in the list of crappy events that have filled the last few months. I feel like I'm watching my life on TV. Oh, and today's "What's next" was my Grandpa passing away last night.

Goodbye Sweetheart.

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 04:35:36 GMT

I had to give Zero up for adoption today because of her excessive violence. I really don't know what to say other than that, most of you know how much I loved that Cat, and I wouldn't have done it if I didn't feel she was really mentally unstable and dangerous.

"Horrendous, Horrendous. It's worse than a human passing away. The cat doesn't fully understand. They're looking to you. they're relying on you to get them through this, and you can't...I cried for hours and hours and hours. This sound came out of me, this sound of despair when he went, and I'd never heard it before."
-Morrissey

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 06:24:50 GMT

No matter what, it can always get worse.

A man shouldn't have to shoot his own horse.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 20:46:40 GMT

Right now I'm waiting for Animal Control to come help me get Zero into her carrier. She went berserk yesterday when my friend Marsha was over and started attacking everyone in the house, including me. She's been like this since yesterday afternoon and I have no idea what's wrong or what to do, I might have to put her down if this isn't something anyone can fix. I guess this answers the "What shitty thing could possibly happen next?" question that lives in the back of my mind.

Death was hangin' out, his buddies were there...

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 17:12:31 GMT

The world got mean, really fast.

Edit: Somehow, this was actually posted before I went down to my car to find that someone had broken in, thrown everything from the glovebox and every storage space in my car around, stolen the stereo, smoked enough Menthol cigarettes to make my car smell all day, and fucking SLEPT in my car.

Truly, Truly, Truly...

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 06:12:51 GMT

As immature as I know it is, I cannot stand being ignored. It happens more often that I'd like to mention and it plagues me to no end. In this age where text/internet based correspondence is what our generation considers friendship, I feel like I'm not asking for much...But people will do what people will do, and few will really ever pay attention to that Golden Rule of "Treat others as you would like to be treated." I hope and wait and pray for the light on my wireless phone to blink the color that indicates that someone has sent me a readable message of some sort...Now I guess I know how a man in Prison feels when he lowers his standards of joy and satisfaction and looks forward to a day outside and a hot meal. Fucking disgusting.

Up there the bottle never runs dry, and you never wake up with them tears in your eyes...

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 00:19:54 GMT

Well, the New Year's party was a success. Lots of people and a surprisingly small mess to clean up this morning. I was proud I made it to Midnight, but every time I tried to escape to bed, Joe or Riley would come and physically pick me up and make me hang out...I made it 'til 2am, which is pretty, pretty...pretty late for me.

I have 7 days of school left for the rest of my life (unless I decide to pursue a Master's or something like that, but I doubt I'll ever have the time or money). All kinds of things have been changing lately...it's kinda like a year's worth of crap got stuffed into the last month and a half, but I guess a new year is an appropriate time for change. One change I'm not happy about is my persistent pessimism (Alliteration somewhat intended) and loneliness. I don't want to think crappy thoughts all day, but I do. I daydream about girls that used to be and girls that never were and I find myself bored with everything, constantly looking at the clock, waiting for bedtime. All I ever want to do is go to bed. I feel like something has to change soon (it just has to, right?) but until then, I'll just bide my time and hug the cat a little harder than I should when nobody's looking.

P.S. I finished reading Lonesome Dove...I highly recommend it to anyone with any interest in the American West, it's one of the better books I've ever read.

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 04:35:52 GMT

Cheap shots seem to be the special tonight, yet the contents of my wallet haven't changed and I'm unpleasantly sober.

"Every time Roscoe tried to think back along the line of events that had led to his being in a place where there was no trees to lean against, he strayed off the line and soon got all tangled up in his thinking. It was probably better not to try and think back the line of life."
(Larry McMurtry, Lonesome Dove 502)

Shit.

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 04:59:40 GMT

Does it count as being negative when you realize you dislike the fact that you are a negative person?

Fuck an Update

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 07:56:44 GMT

I've been meaning to update for quite some time, but I can never really bring myself to do it. I moved into a new apartment with Chon and Julie...It's a rad place. Living with people is super weird after living alone for so long, but it's definitely a good thing. I've been going through a lot of changes (No, not puberty), and it's strange to be able to step back during the process and recognize what's going on (Even if you don't quite understand it). I guess I'll update more on that when I feel like I have something real to say.I think I just feel older.

I graduate from school March 14th, even though I'm done January 22nd. It feels good to be done, and I'm proud of myself. I never took a single five week term off, and I've been working and going to school through the last few classes I've taken. My Grandpa turns 90 in two days, and I'm here in San Diego right now to celebrate. He's doing quite well for his age, but has had some recent health scares that caused him to lose his driver's license and have a nurse come in a few times a week to care for him. I can't imagine how it feels to be that old, but a big part of me thinks I'll find out, whether I want to or not.

I've had a lot of time with my family since I've been here, and I'm so lucky to have nice, intelligent parents. We all discussed our lack of religious belief today, which was awesome to hear. Believing in God means you are either too dumb or too lazy (usually the first) to learn how the world works. Religion is a crutch, something for the weak to believe in and blame when life doesn't go their way. I can't believe how much I hate it.

Some other crappy events have popped up here and there recently, but they've rolled off my back with relative ease. I guess I've more or less accepted that I don't like the world and I don't like that I realize how terrible it is, but I deal with it, cause what else can ya do?

Theoretically, it really tied the room together.

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 05:31:12 GMT

I want to be so rich that I can beat off to nothing but the concept of my own life.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 05:26:39 GMT

All I do is daydream about this life I don't have, and I do mean that's all I do. I won't bore you with details, but it's not much like reality. My life isn't even bad...I can't imagine what occupies the minds of people worse off than myself. I feel the same way about the rest of my life as one does about waking up early as a kid...it's like "Come on...Really?".

I lack motivation to a disgusting extent these days. It's not like I'm actually tired by 10pm every night, I just don't like being awake very much.

I can has job?

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 20:10:45 GMT

So, thanks to a friend of mine at school, I now have an ultra easy but pretty dull office job at "Data Reproduction Services" (I don't think they could have thought up a duller name if they tried). Basically we're the middleman between hospitals and attourneys when it comes to obtaining and sending out medical records. I never know such a business existed. I'm one of 4 employees and I get $10/hour, under the table, and I can work whenever I want, and most of the time work with a pretty good friend. I'm really looking forward to saying "no I can't, I don't have any money" a lot less often than I do now. In other news, I'm moving in with Chon and Julie soon, maybe to a place on 9th and Geary they checked out while I was at work and said was pretty sweet. It's been a long long time since I've lived with anyone, so it'll take some getting used to, but it should be pretty rad.

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:19:15 GMT

Sometimes, ships are just unsalvagable. They're far too deep and heavy to raise to drydock and the hulls are far too rusted to risk the prospect of some of the watertight compartments inside the ship remaining intact.

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 16:59:34 GMT

I've decided against moving to Southern California immediately after school. The coolest job in the world (Which I can almost guarantee I wouldn't get right out of school) isn't worth leaving the best friends I've ever had back in San Francisco. I'd be miserable down there anyway, and besides, we have a bike video to finish and far too many Budweisers to drink before I go anywhere.

King of the Idiots.

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 14:04:29 GMT

This is the best my life is going to be for a long, long time. I can't physically type "Fuck" enough times after that statement to accurately express the lack of enthusiasm with which I say that or the fear of what lies in the years to come.

Probably nerdier than Video Games

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 17:27:48 GMT

Living alone and being the only single one in my group of friends is kind of like that Seinfeld where George stops having sex and gets incredibly smart. On my coffee table are a CD of Bach's Well Tempered Clavier, Book 1, a Yo-Yo Ma CD, and a book by Stephen Hawking...all checked out from the library. I've also been inspired by this sweet metal band Necrophagist that Joe and I discovered to incoporate some classical pieces into Coffin, and I've been working on putting Bach's Fugue in G Minor as a solo in one song. Now if that's not dorky, I dunno what is.

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 21:06:36 GMT

Last night's dream consisted of me going to an outdoor Smashing Pumpkins concert and them ending their set in powdered wigs and those shirts with Tuxedos printed on them playing Beethoven's 5th Symphony on 2 violins (Billy Corgan waited until the very end to bust his out and make it 3) and a drumset. Oh Walgreens brand sleeping pills, what will you come up with next...

Shipwreck!

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 14:47:03 GMT

I had one of the most vivid and lengthy dreams I have ever had last night. I was sleeping in some apartment that wasn't mine, I was really allergic to something in there, I woke up a lot in the middle of the night, drank 2 sodas, woke up early (All within the dream), got harassed buy some crazy gutter punk trying to sell a cigarette for a dollar, went back and grabbed a huge black knife, went back and the gutter punk was gone, then someone said there was a shipwreck down by the beach and everyone was out scavenging for things that had washed ashore and starting to cut up the hull for scrap.

Hurry up Global Warming, it's not like the worthwhile people outweigh the awful ones.

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 06:12:57 GMT

There are times when I'd love to be an idiot. Just a big, fat, happy idiot, who is completely sure that everything he's done and every bad thing that happens to him is forgiven by and the work of some omnipotent God...But I'm not. I'm more or less convinced I'm too intelligent to enjoy life. My 70-100 or so years on this one planet out of billions in the Universe means absolutely nothing. No matter how much of an impact I make here, I'll never know everything or be everything I want to be. Period. I can certainly try, and I'm not giving up completely by any means, but still...

Despite the tone of that last paragraph, I've actually been making a conscious effort to be happier these days. I've been trying to focus on the things I do have rather than the things I do not, though it goes against the way my brain seems to work naturally. One quote I've always heard (and always hated, along with most Hippie bullshit), is "Happiness comes from within". Did the originator of this quote live on a desert island? Did he/she choose to ignore the world around him?

I have this brain that can't help but react to the actions of the other people in my life...When people are mean, I'm hurt, when people are nice, I'm excited, etc, etc...I'm not crazy, am I? Is this not how everyone else's brain works?

And now for the ever so shallow spark that caused this entry (Sorta)...It appears I have some sort of forehead tattoo visible only to girls that says: "If you have a boyfriend, please, please show interest in me! Time and time again...from the types who make no attempt to hide it, to my friend who works at my gym who goes to humorous lengths not mention her boyfriend around me, to one who might still not know that I knew. Oh well. Once again, I can only react instinctively to the actions of others, I can't control those actions.

I love waking up in the middle of the night. Seriously.

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 11:19:00 GMT

So I got sucked into hanging out with the aforementioned dude from my last post yesterday, and his unintelligence is mindblowing. Here's a few examples from yesterday's...adventure:
After passing a Cemetary, he started talking about Zombies and asked if I'd seen/read a book about surviving a Zombie attack....I'd seen the book, so I said yes. He then asked if they were true. I then had to explain that Zombies were not in fact real, nor were any other monsters.

He and his Girlfriend didn't know that relish was made from pickles. He didn't know who Johnny Cash was (He sings and plays acoustic guitar mind you), and here's the kicker....He's lived in San Francisco his whole life (he's 20) and while driving alongside the ocean, he asked if it was the Pacific or not. Couldn't make this shit up if I wanted to.

Some people suggested maybe he's joking or testing me for some reason, but if you heard these things in context and the sincerity in his voice, you'd be as blown away as me. My plan is to make a series of school related excuses and such to slowly phase him out. I've also been playing the most religously offensive music I can around him...He only got about 3 songs into Lamb of God before scrolling through the iPod and pointing out that I "Don't have much R&B on here..."

God Damn

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 06:46:23 GMT

So I made friends with the guy from the gym who looks like how I picture Hector from that Morrissey song to look, because he saw me playing air drums (Yup) and asked if I wanted to play some music. So I said yes...I like playing drums, what can I say?

The point of the story isn't the Christian as fuck music we played, but how brutally Religous this dude is. I'll save some time but just doing this...myspace.com/Messenger07

I don't know what to do around a person like that. I'm really not into Religion. He's ridiculously nice, and likes working out a whole lot, but he's unbelievably poor, and not very smart (He asked which way was left or right more than once)...His house also smells like wet towels

He also seems really happy. I'm not sure what to make of that either. Ignorance is bliss I guess.

I went to dinner with all these employees of my gym late tonight. It was fucking expensive, but kinda fun.

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 03:25:18 GMT

I'm far past the point of unrealistic life expectations...I don't want to be a Rock Star or a famous anything anymore, all I want is the motivation, self control and positive outlook required to be the person I know I could be. I'm there 75% of the time, it's just the nights that really get to me. I feel like the cup Indiana Jones picks in the Last Crusade, only nobody's picked me yet.